Sunday, September 28, 2008

Is it fair?

Love is noise...and once the noise is over, this very weird quietness surrounds you and suffocates you. You can't sleep, you just stare and the empty ceiling, maybe hoping that either it will fall on you or receive that phone call that will make you feel better. But none of those will happen. The ceiling will just stay up there, laughing and pointing at you, while the phone call might end up as just another lost dream. When bad things happen, no one will help you..you'll just have to stay there, like a black dot on white sheet of paper, feeling left out and miserable, because you know that you did your best but some people weren't either strong or realistic enough to see that maybe their happiness might be the result of you struggling to turn the world upside down so that they won't feel like not being treated properly. And what do you get? Carelessness, beautiful words thrown in the air, hopes and dreams broken right when you were on the edge of falling into the abyss of happiness. While i'm writing this, maybe that tupid little thing called love has already made another victim. And you just don't seem to get it. Everything goes just great, you forget about all the problems in your life, and most important, you feel that for one person, you mean a lot, and that feeling might give you the wings to fly over absolutely anything. But, this life wasn't made just for our entertainment. God wanted to be able to make fun of us, so he decided to make something that can cut away all this enthusiasm...he named it 'carelessness'. You don't care about how much time has passed, you don't care about the things that we went through to make everything good and most of all you don't care about the moments spent together, the times you were treated like a goddess. You forget that so easily...And after that 'carelessness' occurs, all the good things vanish, so...why would you do your best on this one? Sure, the memories remain, but so do the scars...Scars that carve into your heart a name that you'll never be able to erase, scars that will make you cry everytime you 'see' them, scars that might make your life a living hell. Every song ends, but is that a reason not to enjoy music at all? No, it's not...but whoever decides to compare these two topics, love and music, is a happy mindless freak who has never encountered any problems and who sees life as being pink and pretty... Bullshit...A song lasts for a couple of minutes, and you can replay it as much as you want, whenever you want. Let me see you do that with your life... It's not a matter of minutes, but about months, years, maybe decades that just can't be ignored. And what hurts the most is the fact that you don't want to admit it. You say it's better for both of us, and you just don't want to admit the fact that you are running from the truth, and that you don't have the courage to stand strong and fight. Whenever you see a problem, you run as fast as you can, and just don't care about what you leave behind, all you think about is you. Words meant nothing, actions meant nothing, all the good times meant nothing...I woke up this morning, but maybe it was better not to...The same empty walls surround me and push me around from one to another, but i'm not mad at them...They were the only ones who listened when i had something to say, and they were the only ones receiving punches when i was losing control...It's their right to have a revenge...And all his time, the ceiling is still laughing at me. The ceiling knows i can't reach it now, because i'm small and weak, i'm vulnerable. The phone call...it didn't get here, and maybe it will never get here..Maybe it ended up in somebody else's phone or maybe that number was never dialed. It's autumn...i had plans, hopes, dreams. All of them are gone. They all fell on the ground and everybody sees them, but no one cares about me so much in order not to step on them...Maybe there will be someone...or maybe not. It was nice knowing you, loving you and doing everything for you. I don't regret anything, not even a single second of everything that's been. But i wonder... am i doing anything wrong if i dream that it's not over? Or maybe, this is a dream, and when i wake up, you'll be here with me, holding me in your arms and kissing me. Life is just not fair...

1 comment:

alx said...

foarte profund...
si totusi nu te pierde in visare..poate ti se rezerva ceva pe masura asteptarilor tale...never give up